I get blips.
I doubt anyone else calls them that.
Every now and then i feel as though I'm verging on depression, I've never really confided.
I become more inside myself, I'm very good at making excuses to not go out and if i do go out i distract myself with other thoughts when I'm in company so as to keep a smile on my face.
I don't like the question " how are you" because i don't like lieing but "tired" is my usual reply, it's not a lie but it doesn't portray anything.
The reason i don't like to tell anyone or ask for help is because i don't think anyone can help, its in my head and next week or even tomorrow i could be back to being the happiest person i know.
The longest it has gone on for was just less than three months and that was over may/june/july 2009.
Music becomes extremely important to me in this time and so does keeping myself busy and getting to bed on time as well as (wierdly) drinking a lot of water.
I don't know if this is medical or just some wierd mood swing thing people go through naturally, wow my mood swings.... thats a whole different story, but it's easier to chear me up (short term) than to put me down.
When i get back to my happy self, I'll read this and think it's the biggest load of bull. I know i will, it was like that when i used to keep a diary.
I reckon i have two people in me, ones a depressed psyco and one is me and occasionally, a blip happens and the psycho tries to take over.
Ahh what a wierdo,
enjoy your day.
Ped. x
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dear ped,
ReplyDeletehave a happy psycho day. embrace it, and use the time that you are on your own to get to know what a wonderful person you are. learn to love yourself more because we all love you (or, at least, i do and thats all that matters).
tell your psycho to be quiet when it talks too loud, because you can do that when its inside you. never let it get you too far down, because it's hard to get out without a ladder. if you shout really loud i'll throw you a rope.
consider the fact that you drink lots of water as beneficial to your health. consider the fact that you listen to more music as beneficial to your cultural development.
don't worry if you don't want to confide in other people, just make sure you vent when it's really necessary as you're not a good person to confide in yourself (does that make sense?) as there's no confiding and then it builds up and you are not a volcano, or a well-corked bottle of wine. you are a human being first and should treat yourself as such.
remember that i love you. remember i am here. remember that a happy ped is the very best kind.
i love you missus!
xxxx