2009

I liked 2009, I have however changed dramatically from how i was at the beginning of the year to how i am now.

I think I know myself better, I'm much more spiritual and know what i like.

Today is New Years eve, tomorrow will be New Years Day... it's gone so quickly!

I really hope 2010 goes slow enough for me to take it in.

Here's a poem:

You don't know my number

And you most definitly don't know my name

You wouldn't find me looking

For any type of fame

Just let me get lost in my music and my paints

Just let me get lost in my books and with my saints

Because i've got nothing to hide, no nothing to hide from

Just my rythm and my mind and that thing we call freedom.

The rest of my poems are a bit dark so i don't tend to put them anywhere other than my silver book.

tum tum tummmm :D

Here are two pictures i took on Christmas Day, they haven't yet been edited or anything, this is how it was captured and i can;t think of how to improve them at all.

Two pictures i am truly proud of :)

This is taken up on the moors, from Stokesley to Kirby Moorside, my Mum was driving and i commented how beautiful it was here and she said well... do you want me to stop.. and i said yes :)

My mum is fantastic, these photos are all thanks to her giving me the time to relax and look around and skip in the snow.
According to her i looked like a pixie, i was wearing my big black hiking boots with my black layered poofy dress and my leather jacket, my hair down, long and crazy as always and a feather earing to top it off, it's fair to say i got a few odd looks from other drivers but i didn't care. i got my shots xD

I wish everyone in the whole world a happy new year, may they discover things new and old that make them smile a decent smile. Xx

Halloween!

I made a skirt for haloween because i have LOADS of spare fabric lying around and i needed to use it up somehow and i a uber chuffed with my skirt now though it isn't all sewn together because i have misplaced my needles but its pinned and this is what it essentially will loook like once i find my needles again! :D I am going to look like the sluttiest thing going but oh well i love that i succeeded in making it nontheless.

It's quite short and the corset if i bend too far to one side gives me uber hip flab but i'll sort that out with some clever layering under the corset :D

Also, I had enough material to make fancy head

thing! what I'm actually trying to be is the corpse bride, though white face make up will be essential, I have texted Malone to see if he still has some left over if not i have LOTS of white eyeshadow that will have to do haha :) and if that fails i'll have to turn to acrylic paint...

that could go wrong.

The corset was from a charity shop, the jewellery is all stuff from Primark i bought when i was little and into the whole Primark buzz.

Heavy black eyes will be going with this outfit as well as some ripped fishnets held together with thick thread and spair bits of fabric i'll tie in bows ;)

I love fabric! I love clothes! I love Halloween! The end. xx

First... date

I'm not really a "date person", the whole awkward sitting and not knowing if the person will think you're a complete wierdo if you order the lasagne or something, but this one was really fun!
Met him on the Thursday at Empire at a night called "Ape" and we danced to I just can't wait to be King by The Lion King (Disney) as well as defending my giant inflatable banana called Barnie who i had put a monkey mask on.

Anyway! The actual date consisted of me driving because his car was a bit battered after someone drove into the side of his car taking out a nice chunk of it. I drove to his with him on loudspeaker speaking from my dashboard directing me. He got in the car, we drove to Osmotherly and found a space to park.
My parking was appalling and i tried twice to parralell park straight and the first time i was at such a bad angle that when he tried to open his door he scraped it all along the pavement (don't tell me mum that, it's her car) so eventually he actually parked my car for me :D

We ate at the Gold Lion and we hadn't booked a table but they let us have one as long as we left before half eight which we thought was a fair enough deal as that gave us almost two hours.

We both ordered tap water then confided that we both actually really liked tap water and weren't trying to save money, the lady then gave us our tap water and made us feel really cheap anyway by saying "and here's your jug of... tap water", it was good water.

He knocked his glass too so he spilt it x) it was hlarious.

We kept talking instead of reading and eventually i got a lasagne (yummy!) and he got a chargrilled pousin which is like a mini whole chicken. (He pronounced it like person though so he actually ordered a chargrilled person but they gave him a chicken anyway which he ate all of it, he later thanked them for the yummy person :) lol)

He also managed to drop this massive peice of lettuce on himself too, i was extremely happy about that.

After having filled our bellies we had both already agreed we would go see the light show at Roseberry Topping which was called Odens Glow, they had put up huge spotlights and mini lights all over the hill and there was a festival a little further down too.

On the way he was directing and there was a T junctgion coming up and i was going about 60 because that was the road and it was wet and dark and raining and he was like " there's a junction coming up!" so i literally slammed on the brakes as hard as i could and we stopped exacly on the line to take the junction with a really nice looking brick wall infront of us, we turned left.

Parked up in Great Ayton, California something, knowing that tickits were sold out and that to get in it would be a mission as there were real police (as apposed to those fake ones) guarding it.
We walked up the opposite side of roseberry topping and around past a bike quarry and further up.
Though before we departed the path of norms we bumped into some people he knew... his parents.

Anywho as we walked up we came across some cool lights! They were like squidgy airfilled lights that went on and off so we decided to hug it because it wasnt on and it felt like a bouncy castle but then as we looked at the light through the seethrough pastic it turned on and practically blinded us with its purpleness! Darned thing :)
It was then that we saw a lot of torch lights and decided we ought to get off the main path so we moved further up the hill and hid behind a tree just as two guards walked past shining the torches like up towards our tree and around. When they walked further up we went up to the next tree and then carried on walking further up the hill (we felt so proud of ourselves).

We eventually reached a clearing where we could see the festival directly below us and the rock part of roseberry topping right up infront of us, it was so awesome. We were probably closer than anyone had ever been watching it and we hadn't paid for some ponsy tickit, though then the spotlight went to point down the hill and like practically lit us up and blinded us again. We decided to head towards the festival.

So we walked down some really slippy stairs where i nearly died because i slipped of one of the steps but he managed to like stop me from taking on the whole lot of them :) I was happy i didn't die.

We then recognized the glowing bouncy castles and thought we best get back off the path and make our way down preparing to jump behind a tree if need be, which definitly was needed!
This guard waltzed up practically two trees away from us and plonked himself down on the gate that was the only one down to the festival. we decided we had done really well to get so far though and realised we had to play the waiting game, so we must have waited for at least ten minutes for the guard to shift his ass.

He evntually did but headed straight for our tree! But as he walked round it one way we shuffled round and then pegged it to the gate, went through and (i fell over onto my right knee but he got me up and dragged me) out of view. The guard then went back to the gate and had a good view of the long road we needed to go down so we stood for a little bit but then he turned his back to the road so we ran to the side of a path where a conveniantly placed trailer blocked us from view as we walked up the path.

A guard then was walking down the path towards us and there was literally nothing we could do, he had probably already seen our silhouettes and the bushes were too thick to run through and there were no trees hanging around anymore so we simply walked past and exchanged a casual
"evening". Mwaha we blagged it, he probably assumed the guy at the gate had let us through x)

We got into the festival, but it had finished.
I went to the loo in a pubs baby changing bit because to get to the ladies loos i would have had to walk through the pub and i wasn't feeling that confident, though i was still buzzing :)
We walked down back from the pub and passed like ALL the guards who all stared at us and it was so obvious they knew we had snuck in but the didn't say anything and it was the best moment ever in the sense of it was our victory and their failure.

We walked down a really dark road back and he praised some other guys car and when that car drove past us it beeped and i waved :)

We talked alot and were totally comfortable with each other for the entire evening.
I drove him home for about 22:45 and i got to look at his car and it was literally like someone had got a giant icecream scoop and taken off the back left corner of the car.

I drove home, so happy and my parents were like... what have you been taking because my eyes were wide open and i was just really buzzing :)
Yay, we decided we were expert infiltrators but and that we should see each other again and that for a girl i wasn't that bad a driver.
The end. x

Painting finished!

Well it's fair to say i am very much the happy bea :)

I'm not too sure why... something bad will happen soon.

I love my best friend because she sends my emails and makes me smile and she's the only one reading this :D

I fiished a painting properly and then i fell over and almost put my knee through it, bad times but i laughed at myself for longer than was sane.

Here is a photo of it without flash but with atrificial light from my above-left. It's got the knee dent in the top right corner of it but it's painted black so you can't really see it through this photo.

And LOOK at my fantastically smooth white wall that i painted all by myself :D the rest of my room remains stripes of blue mind that really needs to be redone or painted over as it's about 4 years old now.

And HERE you can see the knee dent (top right), you also have an insight into the tidy corber i work in :

So yes this is my fiished painting and i already have an idea for my next one, as i did't pick what to paint here, my mum wanted soething suitable for the lounge so i gave her a selection of nice things and she discarded them all and asked for a painting of a flower she grew in the garden all by herself.

Fair to say i took my artistic license and turned the baby pink bloom into an exxaggerated shadows with no fresh grass but gothic darkness BECAUSE I CAN.

So there we have it :)

I nearly fainted at work today! I havnt been eating very well, not in the sense of i haven't been eating a lot because i have, I have been eating a lot of junk food. My sugar levels are so screwed. I used to eat roughly five chocolate bars a day and that gave me huge sugar highs and i loved it and got a little bit addicted but they would also give me sugar lows. Fourish years of that kind of diet played havoc, made my heart go a bit divvy, made my sugar lows even more extreme and lead to me passing out or at least feeling extremely down.

I've been quite good since i finished college but now i seem to be getting back into it but my bodys reacted quicker and it really isn't good. To recover i had to sit down and down a can of coke whilst shoving the chocolates you get with coffees down my throat - it helps in the short run and when i get home i have to fill up on carbs which help my body maintain some sort of balance,

PHWOAR :) i got to go home early as well because of my bad sugar levels so I'm now off to the library, laters.

xxxx

Blip

I get blips.
I doubt anyone else calls them that.
Every now and then i feel as though I'm verging on depression, I've never really confided.
I become more inside myself, I'm very good at making excuses to not go out and if i do go out i distract myself with other thoughts when I'm in company so as to keep a smile on my face.
I don't like the question " how are you" because i don't like lieing but "tired" is my usual reply, it's not a lie but it doesn't portray anything.
The reason i don't like to tell anyone or ask for help is because i don't think anyone can help, its in my head and next week or even tomorrow i could be back to being the happiest person i know.
The longest it has gone on for was just less than three months and that was over may/june/july 2009.
Music becomes extremely important to me in this time and so does keeping myself busy and getting to bed on time as well as (wierdly) drinking a lot of water.
I don't know if this is medical or just some wierd mood swing thing people go through naturally, wow my mood swings.... thats a whole different story, but it's easier to chear me up (short term) than to put me down.
When i get back to my happy self, I'll read this and think it's the biggest load of bull. I know i will, it was like that when i used to keep a diary.
I reckon i have two people in me, ones a depressed psyco and one is me and occasionally, a blip happens and the psycho tries to take over.
Ahh what a wierdo,
enjoy your day.
Ped. x

Found Phil

Within the dilemma of the majority of my friends leaving me in search of a better life through the means of higher education i thought i was very much on my own. I was wrong.
Phil was a guy, who in primary school called on me (almost) every day after school on his bike and then I would get my bike out and we would call on the rest of our little gang and go find somewhere to sit down or a tree to climb on. Usually we would crash round his or Jonos house and listen to Nickelback or watch trash movies.
I was allowed to play football with the guys, a privalige no other girl had from year 3 and upwards, despite the fact i was awful.
I was a little bit of a tomboy, i didn't understand how girls played.
My favourite game was when we had a few of us and we would jump into a bush from the fence of a playground and the attempt to play tig inside this giant bush.
Anyway! Phil and me by year 5 decided we should be girlfriend and boyfriend because we looked out for each other big time, when he had a broken leg whenever anyone tried to push him over or anything like that i would make sure that i could carry out a full revenge. But by mid year 6 we had seen sex ed videos and the meaning of girlfriend and boyfriend was warped, we didnt realise there were strings! Kissing, hugging, holding hands, no way. Anything else, unthinkable.
We just wanted to ride on our bikes, climb trees and chill out to bad movies and good music, forever.
It's unfortunate that that was ruined.
We had the best times, i really loved them, an awesome childhood.
So when his mum came into Browns and told me Phil was actually taking an apprenticeship and still lived at home i was ecstatic, i hadn't seen the guy for at least 3 years and before then we had made new friend groups and we only had a chance to say quick hellos.
So we went to watch a movie called Gamer, it was awesome, we both liked it.
On Wednesday we are going to chill round his with loads of food and watch the Hangover.
I can't wait.
Ped. x

How is work going?

So this is my third week of being a waitress and my days am i shattered.
You have to be pretend happy all the time.
Stay at the table till you are absolutely positive the old biddy has made her mind up whether she wants ketchup with that bowl of chips.
Not let on that you are pretty sure you have just burnt all fingerprints off by carrying that plate without a cloth.
Look representable.
Never cough, sneeze, hiccup (spelt wrong) when carrying, giving, or taking away food/drinks.
Tell everyone who will listen that table 12 wants their mains now.
Remember the table numbers, they go in this order - 3, 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109.
Yes, there are some missing and yes, it starts on 3.
I have also managed to be getting texts and offers of lifts home off a man i new from college that also works there, a total player but always very honest. I did enjoy blocking off a driveway and a different road with police cones with him on the night i said i would go to the fair with him (,it was shut when we arrived due to it being a late finish at work).
No kiss to tell of there.
Just illegal use of police cones.

Within my spare time i have been attempting to organise my gap year and they only thing I have done so far is emailed a youth hostel called the flying pig...

All painting has grinded to a halt, including this ridiculously boring flower my mum wants for the lounge.

Not said goodbye to everyone i wanted to who is going to university and leaving me, though i reckon i managed to do the very main ones. Tomtom took me for a hot chocolate and pillow buying, Jonny took me to eat icecream and Will watched Scrubs sat next to me for 5 minutes while Tom talked to his girlfriend on the phone.
Joanne just dissapeared and i reckon so have the rest of them.
Who are these people!? They are people who succeeded in getting into university and having the guts to go there first time round, THEY will be getting rather drunk and (most probably) making many a mistake within freshers week whilst i work my butt off to get drunk on a later date.

Enough is enough.

Let us begin

I think we should have some introductions.
My name is Ped, yes Ped because my real one is beyond common and boring and this one was given to me in college as an abbreviation of my last name: Pedersen.
I recently got ABC in my A level reaults A in Art, B in History and C in Maths.
I am chuffed to peices and have a place to study architecture at Northumbria University next year.
Currently on a year out and i have succeeded in getting a job in these hard times, minumum wage mind, £4.77 an hour.
This will very much be a babblathon so enjoy enjoy anyone who happens to come across this.

I mainly set this up so that i would be able to follow my best friend who has mished off to India for some bizarre reason.

i think this is enough for now as i need to blow my nose and i'm quite tired
Much love, Pedalo. x